Evelyn.. the original steakburger. she is great with ketchup :)

horizon

I feel as if something great is on the horizon. I feel a pressure of sorts in my heart, mind and soul. I am praying earnestly that God would reveal to me what that is before it drives me batty :) Maybe i am experiencing a mid life crisis. I dont really know, there are so many things that i want to do and experience, im just waiting for God to give me a little shove in the direction I should go.. Oh how i love those shoves. The person you run into randomly that give you encouragement or the opportunity that presents itself when you least expect it.
I see the innocence on the faces of my children, the potential. Am i looking at the next president of the United States, maybe, but want I want most is for my children to realize their dreams, do what they love and love others in the process. Happiness is relative, I just have a hard time not comparing my happiness with that of others. It is true that you are only as happy as you choose to be. I feel as if I am treading water, keeping afloat. Dont get me wrong, I am completely and totally blessed by a loving and perfect God. I guess I am just impatient, I am tired of feeling as if beauty is just around the corner. It is great to know it is but i feel as if, like i said already, I am waiting for something.

HEY

Tara C. dont you dare read my blog. blog hater :)

Invisible.

 A few weeks ago in my MOPS group a mentor mom gave a devotion that has stuck with me every single day since i heard it. She spoke of a book she had currently read that was about the builders of ancient cathedrals. That they were invisible people. No one saw all the hard work that they put into these beautiful temples. We as mothers are the same. When we mother our children we are building cathedrals. We are laying a foundation for healthy, grounded, respectful, loving, kind and Godly little people. No one may see us sleeping on the floor of our child's room because they are sick and we are worried.. or how we walk with a limp for a few days after cause we arent as young as we used to be. No one sees us making lunches, mopping floors, doing laundry, praying for our families, sacrificing our own comforts, wants and needs for everyone else we love. We are invisible builders. We are building foundations, foundations of a strong family and strong children. When we feel unappreciated, when we think.. HEY! i just mopped this floor and picked up those toys and wiped that nose and scrubbed that toilet and changed that diaper and no one is thanking me, no one SEES me. GOD SEES YOU. GOD SEES YOU. He sees you, HE LOVES YOU, HE APPRECIATES YOU. Others may just see what you dont do.. the shirt isnt clean, the dishes ARENT done, but GOD sees you. You are the apple of his eye. You are the green apple amoung the red ones. You are the most precious thing to Him.
So when we are doing all of this we (or definately I) feel unappreciated but also unproductive and less than worthy. To be perfectly honest, most of the time i feel as if im doing a pretty craptastic job of building my foundations or cathedrals. I yell at my kids, i become angry with my spouse, I just want to run away. I pray for patience but i dont always take it when offered from God. Foundations are messy, we are not hanging pictures or putting up blinds. We are laying a foundation and mistakes will be made, it is okay, I am okay. Try Try again. Never give up for this job of nose wiping, poop cleaning, toilet scrubbing, stain removing and worrying is the most important job you will ever have.
Now.... since we do feel unappreciated we must fill our cup. We must find something or somewhere we can fill our selves up. We give and give but we need to be refueled.  I am struggling with find out how to do this. But i have found recently that it is done in small ways. Going to MOPS, taking my child to AWANA and talking to other moms while there, turning off the tv and sitting still.. less noise and more stillness has become very important to me lately.. be still.  STillness is something as a mom i get very little of. I am constantly finding and trying to find new ways to fill my cup. The Word fills my cup and i usually like to enjoy the word with a little coffee in my cup :)
So this being said, i think of that devotion everyday. That when i am exhausted and feel as if my legs might give away underneath me God sees me, the giver of life sees me, he loves me, he appreciates me, he knows how hard I try. Why do i need anything else except to know that he sees me?

urine

Am i the only person who feels like the only smell that seems to gravitate towards them is urine? Maybe cause i have one in diapers and one that pees on his mattress. Yes, i have a cover on the mattress somehow the magical ability of the male genitalia has enabled pee to be running down the side of the mattress.. seriously. i have used some kind of "Pet and Kid Odor Remover" which I find hilarious to begin with. So the mattress is now sitting on the back porch in the sun sprinkled with Borax and hopefully drying.. I swear, the day i found the pee incident i went to walmart to buy odor remover only to be in line behind an old man who i swear smelled like the worst pee i have ever smelled. There is pee on the toilet, pee on the floor by the toilet and pee on sheets and mattresses and pee in diapers and pails.. ahhh. pee.
on the upside i did get Glade candles on sale at walmart.. :)