Is there a more handsome kid.. doubt it

Cheekers in the bather :) Shooting with my new Nikon D3000

Kinda late but here are my kiddos on Halloween, Pirate Landon and Pink Kitty Cheekers.

GAH! Facebook fast.

So Ive done a pretty craptastic job of keeping up with this blog lately. whatev. It is Thanksgiving Day, so i feel obligated to say happy thanksgiving. so there it is.  Honestly i feel like i love the cozy, apple pie smelling, turkey eating day however i am tired. I am always tired and I am looking forward to taking my simple apple pie (although its really not that simple when you have to find time to make it) and go to someone elses house to eat. sounds spectacular.
Today is day number one of my facebook fast. Im starting with 2 weeks.. yep thats right, im shaking already. Ill update later and see if ive cracked. however i find it imperative to my needs right now to not be associated with facebook. anything that takes up that much of my time should be breathing. just sayin.
So here is a cool story, my son prayed "for" someone for the first time two nights ago, instead of thankyou God for my room, mommy, dada, etc. it was actually for someone. talk about making a momma's heart smile :) mmmmmm.. good good stuff right there.

Evelyn.. the original steakburger. she is great with ketchup :)

horizon

I feel as if something great is on the horizon. I feel a pressure of sorts in my heart, mind and soul. I am praying earnestly that God would reveal to me what that is before it drives me batty :) Maybe i am experiencing a mid life crisis. I dont really know, there are so many things that i want to do and experience, im just waiting for God to give me a little shove in the direction I should go.. Oh how i love those shoves. The person you run into randomly that give you encouragement or the opportunity that presents itself when you least expect it.
I see the innocence on the faces of my children, the potential. Am i looking at the next president of the United States, maybe, but want I want most is for my children to realize their dreams, do what they love and love others in the process. Happiness is relative, I just have a hard time not comparing my happiness with that of others. It is true that you are only as happy as you choose to be. I feel as if I am treading water, keeping afloat. Dont get me wrong, I am completely and totally blessed by a loving and perfect God. I guess I am just impatient, I am tired of feeling as if beauty is just around the corner. It is great to know it is but i feel as if, like i said already, I am waiting for something.

HEY

Tara C. dont you dare read my blog. blog hater :)

Invisible.

 A few weeks ago in my MOPS group a mentor mom gave a devotion that has stuck with me every single day since i heard it. She spoke of a book she had currently read that was about the builders of ancient cathedrals. That they were invisible people. No one saw all the hard work that they put into these beautiful temples. We as mothers are the same. When we mother our children we are building cathedrals. We are laying a foundation for healthy, grounded, respectful, loving, kind and Godly little people. No one may see us sleeping on the floor of our child's room because they are sick and we are worried.. or how we walk with a limp for a few days after cause we arent as young as we used to be. No one sees us making lunches, mopping floors, doing laundry, praying for our families, sacrificing our own comforts, wants and needs for everyone else we love. We are invisible builders. We are building foundations, foundations of a strong family and strong children. When we feel unappreciated, when we think.. HEY! i just mopped this floor and picked up those toys and wiped that nose and scrubbed that toilet and changed that diaper and no one is thanking me, no one SEES me. GOD SEES YOU. GOD SEES YOU. He sees you, HE LOVES YOU, HE APPRECIATES YOU. Others may just see what you dont do.. the shirt isnt clean, the dishes ARENT done, but GOD sees you. You are the apple of his eye. You are the green apple amoung the red ones. You are the most precious thing to Him.
So when we are doing all of this we (or definately I) feel unappreciated but also unproductive and less than worthy. To be perfectly honest, most of the time i feel as if im doing a pretty craptastic job of building my foundations or cathedrals. I yell at my kids, i become angry with my spouse, I just want to run away. I pray for patience but i dont always take it when offered from God. Foundations are messy, we are not hanging pictures or putting up blinds. We are laying a foundation and mistakes will be made, it is okay, I am okay. Try Try again. Never give up for this job of nose wiping, poop cleaning, toilet scrubbing, stain removing and worrying is the most important job you will ever have.
Now.... since we do feel unappreciated we must fill our cup. We must find something or somewhere we can fill our selves up. We give and give but we need to be refueled.  I am struggling with find out how to do this. But i have found recently that it is done in small ways. Going to MOPS, taking my child to AWANA and talking to other moms while there, turning off the tv and sitting still.. less noise and more stillness has become very important to me lately.. be still.  STillness is something as a mom i get very little of. I am constantly finding and trying to find new ways to fill my cup. The Word fills my cup and i usually like to enjoy the word with a little coffee in my cup :)
So this being said, i think of that devotion everyday. That when i am exhausted and feel as if my legs might give away underneath me God sees me, the giver of life sees me, he loves me, he appreciates me, he knows how hard I try. Why do i need anything else except to know that he sees me?

urine

Am i the only person who feels like the only smell that seems to gravitate towards them is urine? Maybe cause i have one in diapers and one that pees on his mattress. Yes, i have a cover on the mattress somehow the magical ability of the male genitalia has enabled pee to be running down the side of the mattress.. seriously. i have used some kind of "Pet and Kid Odor Remover" which I find hilarious to begin with. So the mattress is now sitting on the back porch in the sun sprinkled with Borax and hopefully drying.. I swear, the day i found the pee incident i went to walmart to buy odor remover only to be in line behind an old man who i swear smelled like the worst pee i have ever smelled. There is pee on the toilet, pee on the floor by the toilet and pee on sheets and mattresses and pee in diapers and pails.. ahhh. pee.
on the upside i did get Glade candles on sale at walmart.. :)

Sometimes

All the time
i feel like im horrible at making friends.
I feel like I am different than everyone else
I feel like I am loved no matter what
I feel like no one understands
I feel like everyone is worried about what everyone else thinks... but me.
I can go to walmart without make-up, in my old sweats and not having washed my hair in days.
I can go months without putting on make up
I sew odd colored buttons on my sweaters
I wear the same pair of shoes all summer
I only wear 4 different pairs of shoes all year
I hate fashion, money and motorvehicles
I love washing my hair, but hate fixing it
I want to care, but i dont.. i feel other things are more important.
I dont take care of my body like I should
Even if I were rich I would still find things to want.
What i really want is to go on vacation.
I get nervous even around old friends
I feel as if everyone knows more than me
I feel as if no one values my opinion
I like who I am

I need to learn how to enjoy each day. I find myself always waiting for something else.. It makes me sad. I am always waiting, looking, wishing. I need to enjoy each moment becuase those things i am waiting on or for may not happen. There is no promise of tomorrow so i need to enjoy today.

urggg...

So this week we went to the Rutledge Wilson Farm Park in Springfield. Pretty neat place and the fact that Landon had to wear his goggles the entire time we were there. You know whatever, he is happy wearing goggles and snow boots, I dont care. One thing i do care about however is the fact that he is not peeing and pooping in the potty.. You know once a kid gets this close to 3 years old it just is kinda gross, it is big people poop and it is nasty. Considering i spend most days covered in some sort of body fluid whether it be poop, pee or spit up.

what now?

I am wondering now that I have started this blog.. what exactly should i do with it? Should i share my day to day comings and goings? Should I simply rant and rave about stuff that noone really wants to hear about and if they do will they think less of me? I dunno.. I guess we will see, it will probably depend on what kind of day I am having. :)